and then i met you my portrait of love

i was stuck in bad habits, too blind to see the obvious warning signs of falling deeper and losing my control. we are all hard headed when we're in love and when we try to fight it, we create disasters resulting in break-ups and then turning around to make-up. we go against the right things we should do, caught in a moment letting our souls become uncut, roughened up stones. I knew it was time for a change, i saw it coming from miles away, i awaited the loud thrashing of my barriers breaking, my mind and heart secretly letting my control slip through my fingers. the realisation; i wanna be swallowed by a stare so that i can hardly breath and some how want to be willing to do the things you want, for you to spoon feed my heart. a love i wanna be involved with, dangerous and deadly, where there's no turning back and the pillow i cry on is your chest. i am aware that my dreams were and probably are so far fetched and obscure. i am odd, silly, romantic. and then i met you. i fell in love i realised my mistakes and now i need to assess the damage. i'm sorry, i always have to go, but always will love you. my portrait of love.

a woman. a friend

even though she weeps,
she is strong,

even though she can never decide,
she is certain,

even when she's down and out
she'll give me her hand,

even when she's tired,
she'll carry me home,
put me to bed and stay with me,

even in her darkest hour,
she'll make sure i'm okay

even when i do all the wrongs,
she'll never judge me,
and when all the pieces of my puzzle fall apart,
she picks them up,
glues them together and hands them to me on a silver platter,

even when i shout at her,
get angry with her,
envy and discourage her,
she'll understand, listen, care

even though she knows all my secrets,
she will never tell a soul,

even when i tell her to go away,
stay away,
she won't,
not ever,

she's a woman,
one of the greatest i know,
she knows me,
sometimes better than i know myself,

she's always ready to listen,
to advise,
to protect,

she's my best friend.

'it didn't mean anything'

i saw him holding her hand,
touching her face,
kissing her lips,
peeling off her clothes,
kissing her neck,
her shoulders,
her breasts,
caressing her back,
tracing his fingers along her lips...
he kissed her harder,
urgently pulling her clothes from her body,
sliding his hands up her skirt,
he lifted her onto the counter...
she smiled at him,
seductively,
he unzipped his pants... fast
kissed her,
held her,
fucked her

she was moaning,
screaming,
shouting his name,
he was moving inside her,
fast then slow,
then fast,
he was whispering in her ear...
she was smiling,
laughing,
wanting
she let out a loud moan...
and then...

they stopped,

she dressed herself,
walked to the bathroom,
fixed her hair
and they left,
holding hands,
smiling...

tomorrow i'll ask him,
he will deny everything...
and when i say, "i saw you!"
he will say,

"it didn't mean anything."

unnofficially us

you always ask me not to run,
to stay,
"its safer here," you say
"here with me"
and i believe,
i believe you,

we kiss,
we touch,
we play,
we share secrets,
our bond unspoken,
but known to you and to me,
yet there is no label on our aged,
matured,
distilled bottle of sweet red wine.

in me you trust and open up,
you give me all your love,
i believe,
i love,
i trust,
i cherish,
and then,
i cry,

because although i no longer run,
and i am safe,
i am not
entirely sure,
entirely secure,
entirely out of the danger zone,
because i am not entirely yours.

to belong is not to love,
because you can love
and never belong.

the lady with the colourful eyes

she looks at me with daring dark brown eyes,
they're her anger eyes,
she speaks volumes with that stare
behind her expressionless face,
they are plastered with a fierce force,
maternity

they turn a lighter shade of autumn,
when she looks at her first born,
a new born she is,
with the eyes of blue,
she gave her those eyes,
her grandmother had them once too,

her sadness creates an olive brown,
sorrow stricken and hostile,
they're present when she weeps,
and when she doesn't,
they're evident

when they are the colour of autumn leaves,
and the colour clouds her smile,
she's happier than you could ever possibly be,
she's in the presence of her little sunshine,
looking into the eyes of pureness and
secrecy,

the lady with the colourful eyes,
shares her secrets with me,

she's my mother,
and her daughter,
i am she

the comprehension of love

Love has been taken lightly,
a word abused by abusers,
assaulted by assaulters,
adultered by adulterers...

always being threatened by outside forces
people who are so consumed by their own miseries
they can't stand the thought of someone owning a happiness all their own,

stripped,
violated and hurt,by infidelity

and yet it exists,
even within me and within you,

it is built on trust
Honesty
Faithfulness
Compassion
Understanding
Communication.

There are different types of love.
But the best & the worst is the unconditional kind,

Because no matter how much the one you love hurts you
physically,
mentally,
or both
You love them.

Love has been trialed,
tested,
convicted and sentenced...
been found guilty of one thing,
disturbing the peace,

although not all love is bad

At one point in time,
the love one falls upon is new & exciting
something we wouldn't trade for anything in the world
Till it begins to cost you your sanity&
your self-worth.

ironic though isn't it?
that the one thing that brings your mind to a state of contentment brings the same amount of permanent insanity and obessession...
i fear nothing,
and yet i fear love.

by Jenn Cruz & Tamsin Wort