Farewell, I love you

(This is a farewell letter to my first love...)
Hello,

Thinking about you sends my heart into a slight frenzy, after such a long time, it really still does! And yet... I like thinking about you, thinking about the things that made and make you YOU.

I woke up feeling weird today, and I think I may have just found the reason. You wanna hear? (Or read it?) lol.

Well...

I think that I have stopped missing you. Yes, that's right, I don't miss you anymore.

In a way, it makes me sad. Because I've kinda spent months, give or a take, years, thinking about and missing you - during the making up and breaking up, of course!

But the reason I'm emailing you, besides wanting to tell you that is: I want you to know why (Why what?) Why I was so deeply in love with you. Because I thought that maybe if you knew and if you understood, then it would be easier for you to understand me - in a way that you've never been able to before.

So, here it goes...

When we met, it wasn't all the right things you said. It was the fact that you listened.
When we kissed, it wasn't the fact that your hands stayed put. It was that your eyes were closed and your heart was pounding and you were nervous and anxious, like me.
When we started to talk about the way we felt, it wasn't that you felt the same (which did count!) but that you liked that I was happy. It was that YOU were happy because I was happy.
It was that we never made each other sad.
It was that we were supportive and encouraging when both of us wanted to try something new.
It was the way you helped me. And the way you let me in and help you.

That's what made me love you.
That's what made me keep coming back.
That's the reason I chose to stay in love with you.

But.

That's another time now, another life, another era - if you will.

And I wanted you to know that I KNOW the bad times were intense, I KNOW you tried and I tried. I KNOW you didn't want to hurt me. I KNOW it frustrated you that I was so helpless all the time. And I KNOW that you didn't stay out of sympathy.

I know you will always have a love for me, the same way I will always have a love for you. But i also know that it didn't work out because we were never meant to be.

So, I'm not saying goodbye and I'm not asking you to come back into my life. Actually, I don't expect anything. I just figured that this is where it all started, with an email. So this is where the closure comes from in the end, i suppose.

I hope you're well and that you'll forgive the us that thought it was okay to do the things we did.

Thank you though, for the reasons you gave me. They inspire me.

Love Tamsin.

Two hearts. One Love.

When she was a young girl she had a full heart and with each new found love she gave a piece away, to be remembered.

The last time she tried to take her piece back, she thought that if she shared it, it would be the end of her...

So she presented her case, her piece of heart back for a clean slate.

The new owner looked at her and sighed, her heart, he said was way too valuable and she didn't have enough to buy.

She cried and cried because she wanted it back, but he wouldn't hear of it, saying that her tears were falling to dirt.

She didn't understand why she couldn't get a hold on it; she knew she had to work for it.

But to work to get her own heart back, how would she?
To take her piece of heart willingly, how could he?

And so she moved on, filling the blank spaces in her chest with other forms of happiness.

She met a similar heart, a heart made of gold. She tried to apply for the position, but that heart had been sold.

She saw it everyday. It was happily owned by her arch enemy.
The one who took hers and the one she detested. The one whose heart she's taken time on and invested.

So she did the only thing she knew how to do, she used her heart and loved him too.

Till he couldn't resist her love and her empathy. And he offered her piece of heart without sympathy.

And as he grieved because he thought he had lost her, she smiled when he presented her with her the trade she once offered.

Her piece of heart for a new clean slate.

She watched as his own heart began to break. But before it fell apart and shattered to pieces, she grabbed hold of the strings and kissed the cracked edges.

"What use would this piece of heart be to me, if without you it would break easily?"
She asked him once and then again, and through his tearful gaze, he whispered her name.

"What use would your piece of heart be to me, when I'd rather have it in entirety, all of it, embedded in me?" He reached out and showed her the piece he had saved and in return she handed him the rest of its shape.

Perfectly in intact she handed hers to him.
He gave her his, young and untouched.

"I have never shared it before," he said.
"It's alright she said, "it's safe you, you're never to worry about it ever breaking."

And so a new trade was established: Her heart for his and his heart for hers.
A perfect deal. A perfect love.

Two hearts. One love.

A love letter from November

Dear November's girl,

You will have secrets to keep, keep them.
You have people to love, love them.
You have songs to listen to, hear them.

You will have friends, some real, some not, but respect them.
You will find a happiness and trust in them, treasure it.

You will be hurt, heal then.
You will cry, dry your tears.

You will read stories that break your heart and uplift it again, always turn the page.

You will discover that you have a talent, when you've found it...

I want you to write my child.

Write my November child.

Love. Hurt. Cry. Heal. Write.

Your Mother, November.

If you love me, you'll say yes.

She was crying when he walked into her bedroom. He asked hey why she was crying, she didn't say. He asked her again and she sighed, but didn't say. He tried to touch her, but she wouldn't let him. He sat down in front of her, he held her knees the way she was holding them, he licked her tears as they came down in showers from her eyes.

She cried until she had no tears left. She couldn't talk, she wanted to tell him, but she couldn't. She tried to speak, but her voice was gone.

He just watched her. Licking her tears as they ran down her face, not saying a word.

And then he picked her up and carried her. Through her house and into her car. He buckled her up into the front seat and drove her to the highest point he could find, where she could see everything, where she was on top of her world...

And then he closed her eyes and turned her toward a light.

When she opened them, she was flustered by the brightness, the glare made her eyes water. But her tears had dried.

"Why are we here?" She asked.
"I am giving you the sun." He said.

And he did, he gave her the sun.

So she smiled her silly crooked smile, wrapped her arms around him and stared into the gift he's given her.

The sun.

One less lonely girl

"... And you are my light on a very dark road, I love you."

Not sometimes.
Not often.
All the time.

I love you all the time.