Unwantable. Unloveable Me.

You don't love me, you only think you do.
I am unloveable.

You don't want me, you only want to want me.
I am unwantable.

A string of promises and sweet poems lead you here, what did you think you would find? A wonderous princess that was broken, that was stifling her heart with her mind?
What did you come here to prove, to want the unwantable me?
Unloveable, I said to you, unloveable, that's me.
But still you come with you heart on your sleeve, hoping for some form of redemption. I can offer you nothing, I can give you less, haven't you heard my intention?
I will rip your love to shreds with my pain and gnaw at your soul till it's rigid. I will corrupt your mind with memories that drain the very life that your eyes encompass.

I am unloveable, so do not love the unloveable me. I'll unwant you in a moment and break your heart...

and then you'll be angry with dread.

My friend

My friend knows who I am,
My friend knows what I like,
My friend listens when I speak,
My friend weeps when I weep.

My friend laughs when I do,
My friend knows that I am her truth,
My friend breathes relief at my happiness,
My friend is sad in my sadness.

My friend reads my eyes, not my smile,
My friend senses my thoughts in my denial,
My friend is sometimes my only definition of family,
My friend knows the in's and out's of me.

My friend knows when I need a friend,
My friend knows when my heart needs a mend,
My friend knows when not to talk,
My friend will never leave me in hardship and walk.

My friend can see when there is sorrow,
My friend will make sure that I wake up tomorrow,
My friend finds closure in my presence,
My friend is a gift from the heavens!

My friend likes the parts of me that I do not dare to show,
My friend loves the heart in me, even when others don't,
My friend has grown up with me and has learned my every flaw,
My friend walks beside me, she'll never leave me alone.

-Written for my lifelong friend Raisa Fisher who is my rock, my lifeline and my biggest fan.