Ages of a first time...

He has piercing eyes...
They stare at the thoughts inside your head,
the thoughts you don't want him to see...you can see he wants to hold you, to touch you, to feel your body against his,
but you can't get too close,
His touch burns...
It feels like dry ice...
It's hard and it hurts because it's loveless.
He's using your body for his refuge and taking a piece of your soul everytime he says,
"I love you"
You believe his words and you smile...but not a happy smile... its fear
He can see it too...
He says, "don't be scared, I won't hurt you"
So you let him in... inside you,
you feel his breath hard and urgent on your neckand you open up when he pressures to be further in you...
You cry inside when he pushes deeper
and when he releases his energy in your soul,
you feel dirty and cheap...
"don't worry," he says, "it won't hurt the next time" ...
And you wonder when the pain will end...
Will it be when he leaves you with the bruises of a broken heart?
Will it be when you spend your life re-living that moment in your mind and wonder whether everyone can see right through you...?
Can you remeber the last time he looked at you with love...?
Did he ever look at you with love...?
Did he ever love you...?
You need to be needed like you need him to need you.
"I HATE YOU!" you tell him in your mind...
He has piercing eyes yes,
they see into your heart,he knows your secret,
you love him...
and then he walks away,
He doesn't say goodbye...
You meet "Mr Right", but he comes at a price though...

Your integrity