love me, please

i changed my hair, cut it shorter,
my drinking habits include only water,
that diet you suggested,
works with ease,
love me, please

i changed the locks on all the doors,
i paid for hard wooden floors,
i checked the dogs for bugs and fleas,
love me, please

i cancelled lunch with my mother,
you can go play golf with your brother,
just call and tell me what you need,
love me, please

i bought the red dress for your function,
concealed the bruises with foundation,
i'll follow, you just lead,
love me, please

i made an appointment with the doctor,
remember, i'm in my first trimester?
i'll take care of our seed,
love me, please

i waited for you till noon,
you said you'd be home soon,
i wanted to be seductive,
but now have become destructive,
i want you to die,
so i can grieve,
love me, please

the heart harvested #2

I’m scared

i walk and i think and i say "ok, i'll do it, i'll call the wedding off, i'll go to the police, get a restraining order, i'll call my mother, tell her the truth and, well, it'll be ok"
i walk and i think and i say, "no, i can't! i'm scared"
so i walk and i think and i go into the laundromat, drop off his suit, pick up his shirts and greet the old lady whose been drycleaning his clothes for the past 7 years,
i leave and i think and i walk and i think and i run into his brother
"hi" he says holding his 2 year old daughter in his arms, the sun burns my face
"hello" i say, my face toward the sun, avoiding his eyes i look at his baby, i'd love to have one,
before he makes conversation i make and excuse and i walk away, i want a baby, i want to live a normal life and i want to set things straight, so i walk home.

i sit on the stairs and wait for 7 o'clock, he'll be home soon.
i've set the table, i'v made the food, i've chilled the wine, i've set out his after-work clothes, i've programmed the tv to play his shows and i'v bathed, dressed in home-makers clothes awaiting his arrival
i have become his puppet
and i am scared.

he arrives, i smile
"hi baby," he says, his tone patronises me
i don't respond, instead i take his hand and take him to the dining room, i sit him down and blindfold him, i kiss his lips and i walk to the end of the kitchen

"remember when you hit me the first time?" i ask in a soft voice
his body goes rigid
"what the fuck is this?"
he stammers because when he takes the blindfold off i am holding his gun

second thoughts

i had a friend once who told me all her secrets and never once did i judge her. she was to be an escape from the world that loathed me. we laughed and cried together, we shared harmony.
when the world kicked me out of its cult and i was alone, she handed in her resignation freely and chose me.
no second thoughts.
she broke my heart when in another direction she opted to go, i had no choice but to accept her decision. i owed her everything, and she in return expected nothing but loyalty.
with no second thoughts.
so now she and i, we're at a cross roads, far apart we stand and stare at one another, unable to freely express the things we were able to just a week before...
with no second thoughts i need to forgive, forget and let go because i owe her everything, and she, me nothing.
but all i have is second thoughts.
and second thoughts there will always be.
because in her moment of weakness she forgot about me.