the heart harvested #3

the sound of the ambulance hurts my head,
i wish it would go away..
i can still here him crying into his food,
the food i made him,
the food i delicately prepared for him,
just the way he likes it.

the policeman asked whether he was ok,
how dare they ask if this man is ok
when he has battered and bruised me?

in the ambulance i am very still,
my heartbeat begins to relax and i feel my heart beating slower

i remember the first time he layed eyes on me,
how he smiled and waved,
it felt like forever when he decided to walk over to me..
oh how those first months were,
glorious!

the first time we made love,
he took the time to know me,
to learn my body and my heart..

i taught him how to love me,
i taught him how to treat me,
i taught him how to punish me..

my head feels light and i can't open my eyes,
i'm holding his hand,
but his grip feels lighter,
i will my heartbeat to stop,
to just stop and not start again,

i open my eyes one last time and look at him,
the worry in his eyes as he sits next to me,
while i lay on the emergency bed cluching my chest,
he didn't do this to me,
i did this to myself...

he's crying again,
i close my eyes,
i smile and say farewell,
and then i wait...

to die